i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
