there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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