If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
