I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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