party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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