I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize