she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i will never coherently bang her
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
