I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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