Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
