At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
