you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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