Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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