The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
