There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
