If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
