I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize