that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
