The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
