my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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