I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
