I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize