So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
