How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
