i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
