dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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