Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
