what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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