Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
