i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
