got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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