i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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