You can't motorboat a personality
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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