Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
