Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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