I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
