she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
