One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
