Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
