for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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