a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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