can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
