my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
