you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
