You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
