so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
