I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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