When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
