I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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