Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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