i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
