Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
