it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize