I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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