Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
