Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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