im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
