I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Couch. On fire.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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