I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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