You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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