i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
