let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
