It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
