After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
