I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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