I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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