so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
