We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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