drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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