The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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