matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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