Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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