Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
