Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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