You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize