just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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