If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
