it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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