you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
