shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
