What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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