Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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